Stress Prone Thinking, Needing to Be Right

How would you like to have a less stressful day tomorrow? It's not that hard for some people--people who do not have Stress Prone Personalities. For the rest of us, we have to practice new ways of thinking.

When research on stress was first done, the emphasis was on identifying which of certain circumstances-such a difficult job or a difficult boss-each person was dealing with and assigning that circumstance a number. The list of numbered possibilities covered dozens of areas, from disease, to marriage difficulties to climate. The idea was for each of us to add up the numbers from all the potentially difficult situations that applied to us. The higher the number, the higher our "stress" was supposed to be.

Except that's not what the research turned out to show. It turns out that "who" the person is, "how they think," is more important than the "circumstance" that happens to the person. One of the ways of thinking that makes up the Stress Prone person is our need to be right. All the time. We Stress Prone types don't just like to be "right," we insist on it and this insistence brings more stress into our lives. Because we have to be "right," we escalate small problems into bigger ones. Because we need to be recognized as "right," we hang onto issues. We pull people aside throughout the day to go over problems trying to convince fellow workers we are "right."

We Stress Prone people then take our work home. Not in a briefcase, but with our stress. We tag the attention of our spouse, going go over what happened on the job explaining how other people were "wrong" and we were right. Here's a tip from a long time psychologist working with hundreds of couples: the effort to feel better by telling your story of mistreatment to your spouse rarely, if ever, is satisfying. Why? Your spouse knows you better than anyone, especially your social shortcomings. Your spouse, knowing "how you can be" identifies, not with you, but with the very boss or co-worker you're having trouble with! Even worse, after tiring of your stories, your spouse will eventually suggest something like "why don't you just quit then," and the talk will end on a bad note.

Here's how you can make tomorrow much more comfortable. Take a deep breath in and out. Repeat the following: "Just for today, I may just possibly, maybe just the slightest bit, not be exactly right in everything I say." When you notice someone dare a "foolish" opposing viewpoint-breathe-then, instead of reformulating what you just said or worse still repeating yourself with added volume, ask the other person more about their thinking. Honestly, ask. When you aggressively jump in with a question such as, "and exactly where are you getting your facts?" Or, "how did you come up with that hair-brained conclusion?" you are only pretending to ask for more information.

The idea here is to loosen our grip on being right all the time. Not so that we can be some kind of amorphous "better person" but because having to be "right" is extremely stressful. Stress is the body's response to threat. If we must always be right we will feel ourselves "threatened" a great deal. And we won't have as much fun.

Autor: Barbara DeShong, Ph.D. Barbara DeShong, Ph.D.
Level: Basic
I am a psychologist and a mystery writer. TOO RICH and TOO THIN, Not an autobiography, a humorous mystery will come out this summer from ... ...

Barbara Rice DeShong, Ph.D.
A Psychologist on the Loose
http://www.mysteryshrink.com

Added: March 5, 2009
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/